Just Breathe

After the day I had at school I didn't know whether to burn my computer or my bra...it was that bad..not being one to complain I realize that I could not exist every day in my A game but still...Alas the panic subsided and I found myself home again trying to scoop up the motivation to get in the kitchen and make dinner..while looking for said motivation I began to fantasize about the days when the only person I had to look after was me, myself, and I..Heck I could survive off of potato chips alone and would gladly if I was flying solo..But then I can back to earth and knocked out an Italian dinner made worthwhile by my little man who turned to me with the most serious yet sympathetic look on his face and said "Mama you make the best meatballs in the whole world"..It really is the simple moments like these isn't it though...My teenager is home tonight..now that he has his car and his first job this seems like a rare occasion ..just having him here it feels like everything is right in the world..

Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.
Carl Jung

I Have a Dirty Little Secret..

I haven't slept good in weeks. I can be exhausted yet as soon as my head hits the pillow I toss and turn for what seems like eternity. I hate mornings anymore might I add. It wasn't always this way in fact I used to love waking up early to cheerfully "greet the day". Now I can't muster up enough energy to get out of bed and do a yoga routine, let alone do much of anything besides get ready, get the kids ready, and make breakfast on the fly (something I can now manage to do within 30 min, think drill sergent). There are two distinct possibilities as to why this may be occurring. Either I have too much on my mind (isn't that always the case) and aside from there being something in the water, it could possibly have to do with something so simple as I changed my drink. It is all my faithful barista Jen's fault, yes I am afraid I am going to have to blame her for this one and avoid accountability. You see it went down something like this when I went in for my regular old Trenta iced coffee with soy and three Splendas...

Jen: You wanna try something really good??

Me: Sure (this could potentialy be the highlight of my day)

Jen: I am going to add a few syrups I think you'll really like..

Me: Ummm Okay..( U mean like sugar syrups..shut up just go with it be polite..)

Jen: Here try this it's iced coffee with Soy Vanilla syrup & Carmel drizzle..

Me: No Splendas..??

Jen: Nope

Me: Oh this is goooood I mean really good ( I want to drizzle caramel all over everything I consume from now on)

Jen: I knew you'd like it..

And so it goes..I have been sucking down two of these per day because they go down so smoooth and getting gooey Carmel up the straw is like a little present all throughout the day.. Oh the shame!! My loving husband brought me home my old soy Splenda standby this weekend as it was too complicated to remember my new concoction and I shunned it, it sat there getting all melty as I sadly tried to nurse it..It just wasn't the same ..how did I ever drink this I thought...Yes I am in trouble and I may not be sleeping well anytime soon and sometimes I can't feel the left side of my face but on a good note I graduated to Gold status on my card and am earning free drinks..I am starting to wonder if they put something in their coffee, you know like how everyone thought cigarettes were safe and then well found out they were addictive and kill people?

Either way...mornings are overrated anyways..

Chillaxin

Is the weekend really almost over? I know it has been said a zillion times but boy how time flies when your having fun. I wouldn't call the majority of the day spent on homework fun mind you but there is a certain mode that I fall into, just on Sundays that makes no matter what I am into feel low key. I am thinking ahead to April and of what the new month will bring. April marks the last month of tolerable weather before the dog days of Summer kick in around these parts and we will be taking full advantage of the outdoors ...a camping trip is in it's planning stage...Sunday involved a little man who insisted on a dozen red roses for his mama. A trip around town with my favorite teenager and his friends..breakfast for dinner today ( I am not a big breakfast in the morning person..like at all) and aside from all the homework a little glam rock, restorative yoga and a sparkly too tight shirt that left me wondering why the hell I left the house like this... here's to the week ahead..

Roses from my little man!

Tickleback

I may be 38 years old but I just want someone to play tickle back with damn it, is that too much to ask for? I am cleansing these next two weeks which means I am eating next to nothing..somewhere between 300 to 500 calories per day. I put myself through this self induced hell usually twice per year. Last year I did an intensive detoxification under the assistance of a naturopathic physician which involved several shots, a strictly vegan diet and 8 weeks of flax smoothies and fruit, lots and lots of fruit. However gruelling it may have seemed I emerged from it my eyes brighter my skin more supple and my hair and nails looking better than they ever have..At the time I needed the intense detoxification however, after I quit drinking it was was imperative I remove the aftereffects and rinse the liver so to say. I have done other cleanses in the past, in particular the traditional Master Cleanse which I highly recommend. This time around I am switching things up a bit and doing an Acai berry cleanse. 4 days in and I feel wonderful..Cleansing is one of the oldest forms of treatment and healing for the body, particularly in Eastern religions as is fasting. It marks a season of renewal inside and out and is done for spiritual reasons in many places throughout the world to this day. It has become popular here in our Western society as a method for weight loss. I like to think that by doing so it compliments my health and well being.
Toxins aren't the only thing I am getting rid of this weekend, the garage is almost..almost cleared out. I sold more rouge furniture today, letting go of those chairs I have been hanging on to in hopes of one day reupholstering them (who was I kidding). Replacing bedroom furniture in one room meant it was out with the old. Replacing the kitchen set with something more sleek and fitting..Feeling liberated I headed off to a thrift sale today only to return with an armful of more books, as if 5 bookcases and growing isn't enough the only solution to this problem is that I need a library, then I won't feel compelled to get rid of any when space gets tighter. Novel idea...
I am going to spend the rest of the weekend reading said books, making meatballs, teaching my little man, taking a long walk and of course sleeping in tomorrow..ahhhh Sundays..I think brunch is already calling my name.

You can also find me.....

For the Love of Coffee

You know whats inspirational? This cup of coffee sitting next to me...

I thought it only right that I share with you my recipe for what I have deemed the

"Perfect Cup of Coffee"

this coming from someone who is a self proclaimed Starbucks addict, If it's not better I'd say it's damn close!

You can start with your favorite roast but I really think freshly ground beans are where it's at, if you only have Folgers that will do too...

Lately I like to use a coffee press or a percolator but whatever your fancy while your brewing grab a saucepan and let the magic happen!

I like to use Silk Vanilla Soy Milk but regular milk would be divine! I pour about 2 cups then add to it (however much feels right) the following cast of characters:

Real Vanilla Extract

Good Quality Cinnamon

Ancho Chile Powder (a little more if there is a stuffy nose that must be dealt with)

Fine Sugar

Cocoa Powder

After simmering on low and stirring all the while add to a cup of freshly brewed coffee and enjoy preferably on the patio listening to your favorite music..

There you have it, my perfect cup of coffee..and by the way since when was Guns & Roses considered Classic Rock? Man this makes me feel old!

This is what I am brewing lately and by all means it trumps anything you can find in the grocery store! Where did I get might you ask??

Why Lot18 of course!

If you haven't had a chance to browse Lot18 it is THE place if your a wine lover, but also if you have a passion for chocolate and coffee, the good stuff! Even better if you sign up you can get up to a $20 credit towards your first purchase so you can try something for next to nothing, and you can earn credit by referring your friends how cool is that.....

Free Dark Chocolate Anyone?? It's okay go on and indulge, I won't tell anyone...

Spring Fever

Yoko Ono hand picked 20 SONGS FOR SPRING  that are sure to get you in the mood for these breezy semi warm days..lately on my play list is a little Sting..Crystal Castles..and throwback 80's tunes..the doors and windows are all kept open this time of year so heres hoping the neighbors like my choice in music..thus far no critters have made it in the house..I was reminded that it is indeed snake season around here as I was hiking my way through the Fountain Hills Botanical Garden today but we didn't let that stop us..Living in the desert you always here tall tales of encounters with rattle snakes, funny because the only time I have ever seen one up close was while vacationing in Long Pine. Nebraska of all places... Not only did I encounter a rattler on that trip, but while tubing down the river noticed the water was full of snakes too..guess that wasn't fish tickling my toes..yikes! One of my favorite posts via social media ever was a girl I know who exclaimed "Now Taking Applications For A Spring Fling!" Gotta love it..It has been a relaxing Spring Break so far..It is very nice to wake up whenever I feel like it which is usually somewhere between 8 and 9..instead of jumping to it and getting everyone ready we linger in bed with books for a good hour until fully awake then go about doing whatever feels right for the day..We have gone vintage shopping and got a few projects in the works..I have been spending an hour or so working on the yard every day which is really meditative and aside from the thorns and prickers still in my finger tips I am getting some good sun, just enough for color.We have taken to going out for lunch and I am indulging in freshly bakes bagels with lucious cream cheese and amazing lox..topped with juicy tomatoes, capers and thinly sliuced red onion..yea I think I have to go back to DJ's tomorrow.. I am back in the kitchen and hiding veggies and healthy stuff in everything I make for my husband..he really has no idea which is great. Tonight I stuffed bell peppers with basmati rice, cuban black beans and ground tukey. I added plenty of minced onions, cumin, ancho chilli powder and garlic so he wouldn't  notice we weren't having "red" meat..cleverly disguised by lots of gooey melted cheddar and Newmans Own tomtato sauce..yes I used jar sauce but so far I cannot master a sauce as pleasent as Newmans Sockaroni..it's perfect. We had a big salad and rosemary garlic bread from La Brea bakery..to me this was the perfect meal on a balmy night like tonight and he didn't notice a thing..tomorrow Nicholas and I will get fresh made tortillas to eat up the leftover stuffing for the peppers mixed with eggs and cheese...We have loads of books this week to read and I have been immersed in reading about chakra balancing..family dinners and my old fav author Sarah Ban Breathenach.. I also got Howard Gardner's Truth, Beauty, and Goodness Reframed, Educating for the Virtues in the Twenty-First Century..Not sure what to think about this one yet...That being said Easter decorations are up and I have began contemplating what we will be on the menu..There is a certain calmness in the house and days before the Spring Equinox I think I am finally embracing the season upon us...

3-4-2K12

We Loved This Movie!!! No Matter What Your Age See It, It's A Must!

The Flu

Nothing will be right in my world till I feel better. Thinking I had the energy I left the house for a bit today and found out pretty quick that the feeling was fleeting and back to the couch I went. It is a nice feeling to be somewhat waited on however, but the fact that my 5 year old has completely destroyed his room in my absence has me filled with dread. Tomorrow we are supposed to go and see the Dr. Suess movie Lorax. Jake has loved Lorax for a few years now and he sleeps with him every night. It is one of our favorite reads so sick or not I will pull it together. Aside from that the thought of Spring break has me anticipating the week ahead coming to an end. 7 days of doing nothing other than working on my tan, sleeping in and watching movies sounds pretty nice about now and believe you me I will be relishing in it. There is still plenty to do around the house as well so yes some chores will have to work there way into the itinerary. Who doesn't love perusing through Pintrest and getting a glimpse into other peoples homes and all the how too's. Who knew all the neat things you can make with those pallets you find behind the grocery stores. it's amazing. One of these days I will set about looking through all of the things I have on my board and actually making something..one of these days. For now I am just going to find my bed, dream a little dream in my feverish state and disappear among the pillows. My 5 year old will probably find his way in there too, which is fine by me as the sound of him breathing as we fall asleep is music to my ears. The lullaby that puts me to sleep every night...

Hiatus

Here I have found myself on the first day of March with a fever. I cannot remember the last time I experienced this achy funky feeling and for that I am thankful, yet when your body temperature rises sometimes everything starts to look pretty surreal. I suppose I will just go with it and embrace it as there is not much choice in the matter for me this evening. In a way it is somewhat nice to be still for a change. It's not like I have been starving for alone time but my mind is usually caught up in trying to just process everything around me lately. I have mulled this over  while driving around this week and have reminded myself time and time again to just take my time on the road and relax a bit. Inevitably I find myself weaving in and out of traffic yet again on a mad dash to get somewhere on time, usually school. I always arrive ahead of schedule yet cannot help but to rush. This has been my work in progress, slowing down.
Today has been somewhat odd. I choked for the first time in my life. Eating dinner apparently I did not chew my food enough and I literally had something blocking my throat that would not go down or out and I could not breath. For those 5 long minutes a lot of thoughts went through my head from of course I have to be alone while this is happening to am I really going out like this? Thank god I didn't meet  the same fate as Mama Cass and someone was watching over me, thank god. Not too long after I whacked my head cleaning up Ninjas pretty hard on the newly installed shelf and decided I needed to sit down. As if cleaning up vomit twice today (one in the truck, once on me) and two sick fighting boys hopped up on Predisone wasn't enough...
So here it is March is upon us..the first two months of the year I have been regrouping and buried in 5 classes this semester, but that's commonplace anymore. I have gotten rid of half of my possessions and that in and of itself has been liberating and the new home is starting to feel like home as things become more settled and organized. This is my anniversary month where we will celebrate one year of marriage. Ahhhh marriage is a funny thing you know, the reality of marriage vs. the fantasy of it that many of us hold onto in our youth.My best friend who happens to be 68 years old (and who by all means has it all going for her) and I were laughing the other day over coffee at the mere thought that people can stay married for 25 years. I think things like this just sort of happen if your lucky. So far so good but I already spent 10 years of my life married, I will just be happy if I can add up the two consecutively. I learned long ago that with expectations comes disappointment so I try not to hold onto many of them.
So whats on the menu for March? I for one would like to be able to give up white sugar. I have been trying to do this for some time now to no avail..but hey its good to have dreams..