I am not one of those women who loves being pregnant. I enjoyed feeling the baby kick and being able to check out and give myself TLC at free will but the reality of it is having my body all tweaked out then having rough deliveries 2 out of 3 times one of the things that I am newly awakened to is that I never have to go through it again and yes as dire as it sounds this for me is cause for celebration. I embraced motherhood like second nature and live for my kids but there comes a time and place in your life where you look back and realize that you will no longer be changing diapers or potty training or breastfeeding or waking up endlessly through the night and you find that your okay with it. For the first time in 15 years I have all of my children in school and I am just beginning to settle into it giving attention where attention is needed to my three sons who are 15, 10, and 5..the only difficulty arises from the fact that due to their age differences they don't always enjoy doing the same things so giving individual attention with respect to their their ages is important.
Looking back I am also amazed at how far I have come in the way of relationships. I was married for ten years to someone who I was in a relationship with for a total of 18. While he still remains my best friend I am a different person now that we are no longer married and I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that he is not in my life on a daily basis anymore. Getting over the divorce was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, I literally became my own worst enemy. However once the dust settled I began to realize something..I was no longer the stressed out materialistic person I once was, the person who sat there always wondering what life was like on the other side. The beauty of embracing the life you never planned on is being thrown into situations where you are forced to deal and adjust, these are the things that build character.As I was thrown into the dating world ( which could be the subject of an entire book in and of itself) and forced to have to support myself and three children with little to no financial support from anyone some wonderful things happened along the way. I began to realize that there is truth in the statement that meeting the wrong types of people just prepare you for the right person when they come along..meaning you tend to appreciate someone more when you have experienced the wrong type of man one too many times. You also figure out what it is that YOU want as opposed to what you have been programmed to want and you cannot put a price on this, getting this figured out is life changing stuff. On the rare occasion I open up to someone and we speak about divorce one of the things that consistently comes out of my mouth is that for whatever the reason it needed to happen for no other reason than I needed to be humbled. The last years of my marriage we were a young couple who saw our hard work pay off and by all means became very wealthy. Never having a real appreciation for the value of money we spent through hundreds of thousands of dollars on fancy cars, extravagant trips and you name it. The lifestyle that I was used to came to an abrupt halt and one day I literally woke up with nothing. Through this a strange thing happened I learned that I could count on myself no matter what the situation, when others in my boat would likely move back in with their parents or seek solace in enacting revenge I pulled up my big girl panties, swallowed my pride and went back to work as a waitress because the need for daily cash was reality, eventually getting back on track with my career in my chosen professions and through it all was able to maintain a nice house for my children and myself, we may not have been able to go out to eat every week or afford luxuries but we lived pretty good within the middle class.This is how its been up until I got remarried. This is how and why things became real to me and the nonsense was forced to take a back seat and I am a better person for it living with full realization of what matters and what doesn't and yes this applies to people as well.
The whole process of picking yourself back up when you fall I liken to complete enlightenment, everyone should have to learn how to do this at least once or twice in their lives.It is the breeding ground for compassion and empathy which are important qualities few too many people posses. Judgment & caring about what others think goes out the window.
I am looking forward to these late 30's ahead, a few health scares have only made me treat myself and my body more kindly. I went back to college to pursue my PhD and am a student but more importantly I am a student of life..everyone in life encounters problems it is how you deal with them and what you learn from your experiences that makes all the difference. Life is full of possibility nothing is ever set in stone and anything is possible if you have the will. Love and hold on to the people that treat you right and let go of the rest, make sure the people in your life are your fan club..I have come to realize that I deserve nothing but the best and that best has nothing to do with material things or status but with knowing that I lead a life worth living and knowing the value of the things that make up that life.
