I Have a Dirty Little Secret..

I haven't slept good in weeks. I can be exhausted yet as soon as my head hits the pillow I toss and turn for what seems like eternity. I hate mornings anymore might I add. It wasn't always this way in fact I used to love waking up early to cheerfully "greet the day". Now I can't muster up enough energy to get out of bed and do a yoga routine, let alone do much of anything besides get ready, get the kids ready, and make breakfast on the fly (something I can now manage to do within 30 min, think drill sergent). There are two distinct possibilities as to why this may be occurring. Either I have too much on my mind (isn't that always the case) and aside from there being something in the water, it could possibly have to do with something so simple as I changed my drink. It is all my faithful barista Jen's fault, yes I am afraid I am going to have to blame her for this one and avoid accountability. You see it went down something like this when I went in for my regular old Trenta iced coffee with soy and three Splendas...

Jen: You wanna try something really good??

Me: Sure (this could potentialy be the highlight of my day)

Jen: I am going to add a few syrups I think you'll really like..

Me: Ummm Okay..( U mean like sugar syrups..shut up just go with it be polite..)

Jen: Here try this it's iced coffee with Soy Vanilla syrup & Carmel drizzle..

Me: No Splendas..??

Jen: Nope

Me: Oh this is goooood I mean really good ( I want to drizzle caramel all over everything I consume from now on)

Jen: I knew you'd like it..

And so it goes..I have been sucking down two of these per day because they go down so smoooth and getting gooey Carmel up the straw is like a little present all throughout the day.. Oh the shame!! My loving husband brought me home my old soy Splenda standby this weekend as it was too complicated to remember my new concoction and I shunned it, it sat there getting all melty as I sadly tried to nurse it..It just wasn't the same ..how did I ever drink this I thought...Yes I am in trouble and I may not be sleeping well anytime soon and sometimes I can't feel the left side of my face but on a good note I graduated to Gold status on my card and am earning free drinks..I am starting to wonder if they put something in their coffee, you know like how everyone thought cigarettes were safe and then well found out they were addictive and kill people?

Either way...mornings are overrated anyways..

Flashback to 2010..I'm not sure what I was doing this time last year but I know that I wasn't having as much fun as I am this year and that I was a lot wealthier...

Madness

I feel like I have entered the school of life yet I have always been here. Perhaps my eyes were closed my senses numb, so excuse my absence as I have found it wildly entertaining! Los Angeles is full of smog, whatever fascination I once had with the place went out the back door after this last weekend..it is worth mentioning that there are barely any white people there either.
I have been studying Eastern Religions..American Historicism..and tip toeing through Philosophy class..I might even publish something tomorrow but for now it is late, my bodyclock has me up till 1...I'll be back after a good nights rest!! And Yes the new layout is madness isn't it though? It reminds me of an insane collage..I am going to look at it for a few days so if you are finding it hard to navigate know that it is only temporary and I will be done fooling around in no time..

What a wonderful world this could be...

Do you ever just have one of those days where you just seem to find yourself in some sort of a funk? Caught between not feeling like doing anything particular at all and being bored out of your mind at the same time? Saturday was one of those days for me..maybe it was because my husband spent the weekend golfing or that the sweltering weather kept us inside late in the afternoon..or perhaps I was just pooped out from spending the morning at a soccer skills assessment which took me through 4 long lines in triple digit weather as my back dripped and I fantasized about jumping in a pool. This restless bliss kept up until I announced somewhat last minute that we were going out to eat Chinese, I mean if a flaming PuPu platter and Chinese horoscopes over hot tea doesn't cheer you up nothing will right?So there I was sitting with the kids, a window seat might I add in the same old red glitter boothes within the towns only Chinese restaurant reminding myself once again to never marry the goat while reading my place mat when it hit me. We are not only the only people in here, except for the owners family enjoying their dinner on a back table across the room..but is that ..nah..wait a minute it is..the theme from Animal House playing via oriental instrumental. I instantly snapped out of my blaze mood and began to picture the family in the Christmas Story enjoying their Chinese Christmas dinner and suddenly it dawned on me hey this life of mine is pretty good duh...The past few days I have been checked out I have been enjoying birthday parties in the park..spending time with the boys and embracing the first day of school. I have been looking into nonprofits and museums in my down time...eating sweets..and making peace. If anyone has happened to notice I changed my URL to a big time Dot com I named my blog after an art magazine a dear old friend used to have, in fact its an homage to him, which showcased controversial works of art and literature in an uncensored fashion. It catered to the local punk scene and every time you opened up a new issue you just never knew what you'd find within those pages, but whatever it was it was something you would find yourself thinking about later.

Mondays "Whats Happenin"

I don't know who turned this show on but for the last hour while my husband sleeps the TV has been on  OWN ( Oprah Winfrey Network) & whatever show this is there are a whole gaggle of overweight women in their undies on TV for the world to see..oh the humility. I think it is some kinda of weight loss challenge but in front of thousands of people in your undies..when thinks look well pretty bad..really who does that? I had a very relaxing weekend ...with my husband working all weekend and my older boys with their dad I flew solo though it and decided to postpone said Xmas in July as my 5 year old just wouldn't appreciate the fake vomit and prime rib, there will be another time for that tomfoolery..After months of agonizing over making this decision I have decided that I will be taking a sabbatical..I have decided to give myself an unspecified amount of time to grow, learn, focus on school..family..spirituality..and go wherever the road takes me. This wasn't an easy decision to come by, I am part of a successful business but the reality of it is it isn't mine anymore, I lost it in the divorce. Although it has been a joy to be a part of the last 15 years and what I have learned has been immeasurable I think the only reason I am there every day still working morning to night is because I enjoy being with my ex husband as much as that allows, after all 18 years together is a long time but I am married again now to a wonderful man, as much as it pains me to do so I have to let it go..and I have a PhD to complete, internships to get involved with, a family that needs me here more..it just doesn't fit into my life now. This is going to pain me for some time but I know I have made the right decision... On a lighter note school starts next week and I have some upcoming postings about fun stuff for the school year. I know some people have food blogs, some have humour or fashion or just family stuff..it may seem like mine is all over the place sometimes..but that's just me I may go off on a rant one day about the economy in China, share a painting that moves me yet tell you what I cooked for dinner and share a photo here and there but I always keep it real, life isn't perfect and that's the beauty of it... and besides I never really did fit in anyways.

Me On Monday

Mondays are a drag, lets face it and get that out of the way now. I am a day late in writing about the "doomsday" as I like to call it if that tells you anything. Could things possibly be any busier? Probably not. Is there much time aside from work, the kids, and school for much of anything? Not really. But funny thing is I couldn't be happier to embrace a Monday or any day for that matter for as busy as life gets and as hectic as things may seem sometime I am staying the course,better off than 75% of the people in the world who are fighting poverty, disease and social crisis. We have our health and by all means our sanity too. No matter how crazy life can be sometimes someone out there always has it worse. It is good to be busy, good to be productive and proactive in your life. I would rather be making a difference in the lives of others every day than sitting stagnant.This is what life is all about..

5 Random Things Which Describe My Day

1. The bathroom the boys share can be transformed into a land of wet towels, toothpaste mishaps and a hamper in a matter of minutes and don't even get me started on the toilet. How is it that they can succeed in missing the water as often as they do is beyond me is it laziness or misjudgement or are they just plain distracted, I will never get it. One 10 year old will soon be in the doghouse when he gets home and I am thinking putting a key lock on my bathroom is something I should have done long ago!

2. It is a good day when I can have almost everyone cooked for, fed, and most of the dishes cleaned up before 7pm..anything beyond this its madness.

3. My 20 year high school reunion is coming up and when it comes down to it I really don't see any reason to go.. Is this abnormal?

4. Instead of staying up till the we hours of the morning half assing a huge presentation because I am too sleepy to work through it to the best of my ability I recognized and knew when to turn the lights off and as a result another good nights sleep and a presentation that is 90% done.

5. No one despite my begging and pleading to eat their greens will touch the spinach on their plate, why I still continue to throw this next to say Chicken Fried Steak like I did tonight is beyond me...

Looking forward to a fun but chaotic week...

While doing this pose today termed "The Screaming Pigeon" my husband was watching and feeling a little over zealous I held in place for almost ten minutes something which I have never done for this long. Now my left hip is out of wack. Lesson learned if husband is watching yoga moves try and only do ones that come easy but only look impressive..

Me On Monday

Sunday came and went and I really need to get over this obsession I have had the last few months with making out menus every week and diligently cooking everything regardless if everyone is hungry or not..I felt like I was chained to the stove all day, not that it was a bad thing after all the blackberry french toast I made for brunch was divine however I got burnt out mid afternoon and burnt the cheese on the nachos and no one appreciated my jalapeno cilantro cole slaw on the pulled pork sandwiches..Today was my first day back after my little vacation and I actually got a little anxiety on the way to work this morning coupled with feelings of a complete and utter dragass syndrome come 2pm as this was my token nap hour over the last week. I made it through however and with that 10 random things which describe my Monday...
1. I have spent the evening studying the heroin epidemic (or lack thereof clearly it depends on who you ask).. as I finish up my last Sociology class for the Summer..apparently I still don't understand fully the effects of its chronic use on the kidneys..
2. My boss (if you can call him that) did not find my office very user friendly in my absence last week...I run my office much like my kitchen in that I am typically the only one who knows where everything is and I think I am too set in my ways to change this late in the game.
3. The thought of my oldest son getting his learners permit this week has me increasingly worried. If he says one more time that he plans on getting a motorcycle license in the future I think I might just have a heart attack.
4. We ordered pizza tonight at my husbands request
5. The same husband I kicked out of the room when I was taking an exam and he plopped down next to me turned off my singers & songwriters on satellite radio and cranked up survivor man..I was like really? He didn't take it to heart.
6. I am still torn up about having my hair whacked off in March..I wish there was a magic hair growth pill or potion to speed up the process..
7. My little man had his first day back at summer camp today which means he was in bed by 8:30..and then I missed him
8. I have some really great neighbors who are opening my mind to the whole concept of sense of community
9. I declined an invitation to attend my ex husbands wedding
10. I can't seem to fall asleep very good lately.. I hope tonight is different as I have a sneaking suspicion there might be a pending sickness entering the house and with every cough coming from the boys room I am wide eyed..

I Should Be Sleeping..

Especially since I woke up this morning reluctantly at 7:00. Because I started my Monday off at the dentist where I got my big fat lip in a battle with something sharp and walked out bleeding, and because after 4 shots the tooth still wouldn't get numb it was exhausting. Because on channel 8 (public television) I am DVRing a musical show of 50's & 60's singers but it's looking more like an infomercial.Because my youngest son has been asleep for going on 3 hours and because all of my homework, office work, and mommy work is done for the day..even my Wailana yoga with the silly Hawaiian dance moves.
This is Me On Monday
Starbucks in hand at 11:39 pm
Thinking about Macrobiotics & Old School Piano Music
Patting Myself On The Back For Having Finished 25 B-Day Party Invites
Proud of My Ability To Serve Dinner Out of Whatnots & Save the Grocery Store For Tomorrow
A Stack Of Wall Street Journals A Week Deep With One Vanity Fair At The Front of The Line to Read First
Hoping you all have a beautiful week, How did your Monday Pan Out??

Monday Gratitudes

~ I was just thinking today that for the first time in 37 years I can honestly say that I know what it feels like to love myself

~I view this as my second act in life, it is huge to finally embrace the life you never planned on

~That out of the 4 new pairs of shorts I bought last weekend all 4 fit..

~The love and light within this family is something that drives me every day to be the best me I can be
~The inspiring writings of Christopher Hitchins which touch my soul

What are you thankful for today?

Tell us at

its own sweet will

Monday, Monday... Can't Trust That Day

First things first, if you haven't been over to read Marc & Angels inspiring posts now is a good time to start! With 52 Monday Morning Stress Reducers it surley will help you to get a leg up on the week. I know I sure could have used to take some of their advice this morning. Some mornings I have the amazing ability to get 3 kids dressed fed and out the door in 30 min..including myself. I really can't tell u how I do it but I do & on these mornings I feel like I have Superhero powers..today wasn't one of those mornings. Sometimes it is just not possible, one little thing can backfire and it's all over: let the madness begin. The car can be started ..I can be standing in the doorway and then bam it happens. "I peed" coming from the stairs and a 4 yr old who emerges needing a new set of clothes 5 min after he was dressed.. an upset stomach sending another one into the bathroom for not 5 not 10 but 15 good minutes no matter how much I plead I finally give up knowing I am not winning this battle..he will be done when he's done..tick tock tick tock..I hear a lot from other Moms how lucky I am to have all boys, that girls require so much more fuss with their clothes hair etc..tell this to my 15 yr old who spends three times as long doing his hair then I do and freaks if his favorite jeans aren't washed.. today apparently wasn't a good hairday and between the straightener and the blow dryer nothing was working out for him.. all of this occurring at 2 min to 7:30 when I am set to leave. But like I told myself at least it wasn't like last Monday when I woke up to a flat tire and a big old screw sticking out of the sidewall...Yes Monday is almost over..the highlight of mine being:  Leaving my coffee on top of the car this evening only to drive off and listen to Jake shriek "Bird Poop" as it spilled all over his window..then believing it..driving to the car wash..sitting in there watching the magic bubbles reach for my coffee and it was "Ohhhhh really oops wow?!? That was my frikin coffee."

First Day Of Spring...

 

                 

It was one of those March days when the sun shines hot and the wind blows cold: when it is summer in the light, and winter in the shade. ~Charles Dickens


It's spring fever. That is what the name of it is. And when you've got it, you want - oh, you don't quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so! ~Mark Twain


Spring is nature's way of saying, "Let's party!" ~Robin Williams

Wikieup, AZ March 2011

“Buddhism holds that everything is in constant flux. Thus the question is whether we are to accept change passively and be swept away by it or whether we are to take the lead and create positive changes on our own initiative. While conservatism and self-protection might be likened to winter, night, and death, the spirit of pioneering and attempting to realize ideals evokes images of spring, morning, and birth"

Monday Moments

And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt. - Sylvia Plath

10 Things Which Randomly Describe My Day

1. I tricked myself into thinking it was a sleep in day and woke up late and tired with the song Give Peace a Chance in my head...
2. I had car trouble on the way to work and got stuck for a short period of time on the Indian reservation
3. I had to crack the whip on my two star employees to get customers cars done and was flipped a little attitude.
4. I ate dried mangoes and salt & pepper popcorn for lunch
5. Got my hair done after work for my big weekend in Vegas and left with a hair masque on which made me look like I had no hair cuz it was all stuck to my head and drove for 45 min like that around town
6. I told my Mom something my boyfriend wanted me to keep a secret and now I feel bad
7. Everyone made fun of the vegetarian sub I ate for dinner..
8. I learned that elephants are emotionally a lot like humans and that they grieve the death of loved ones, feel pain and sorrow and can die of a broken heart.
9. The cookies need to leave the house I ate 2 today..
10. House is really a pretty good show....

Randomness

I will not be up late again tonight..I will fall asleep before midnight.. I will watch a movie..the one I rented 3 days ago that's due back tomorrow..I think it was 3 hrs ago I put the Carmel popcorn down and got set to take my Sociology quiz..then I re-read the chapter two more times..then the quiz two more times..Every week starts off this way dictated by the contents of my Sociology book...this week it is all about hormones and why males with higher testosterone levels are more likely to get divorced, have more sexual partners, become aggressive..I could go on for days about this.



Am I the only person on the face of the earth who thinks that Julian Assange has done great things? I have spent the better part of the day busy..talking shop with customers and studying Jane Goodall. Do you know she never went to college nor had any formal training in the area of field research before she was thrown into observing chimpanzees? It was her secretarial abilities and organizational skills that got her the gig..my boyfriend does not understand that I am a progressive vegan and made grilled cheese and bacon sandwiches tonight...then offered me a bite of his chocolate cupcake..he also was so kind to remind me that my hose I wore today border on being fishnets and women my age don't wear things like that although he said it nicer...I don't think he will ever get it and that's okay..after all he is a conservative..I examined the contents of my purse  today but we will save that post for another day..Oh god I just realized I am watching what I think may be the second Karate Kid on TV..the one with Hillary Swank...she's wearing reebok high tops seriously? Slipped into the Carrera and drove home from work with my ex husband ...listened to his soon to be wedding song on the way home...I have to be at Starbucks in less than 8 hrs ..going to flip channels and live vicariously through The Bad Girls (Club) in anticipation of hump day.

Me On Monday

10 Completely Random Things Which Describe My Day

1. I opened 2 new bank accounts today, right across from the Mall

2. Charlie bought me a beautiful wind chime today from Pier One with little birds all around it..I collect birds..It was such a nice surprise and made me feel very warm inside

3. I discussed my ex husbands upcoming marriage and the reasons  for which I am not invited to the wedding

4. My middle son hurt his knee playing a game he called sharks & minnows at recess..

5. I sauteed onion and garlic in some butter, added pork chops for 5 min each side ( and set aside) added Dijon mustard & cream to the same pan, stirred it up added the chops back in to simmer for 15 minutes and served over rice.. they were divine.

6. Talked smack with the guys at work

7. Tried to talk someone into a 5k repair on his Audi.

8. Took my Sociology exam & got 20 out of 25 points

9. Told my little guy I wanted him to dream of Oceans & fish tonight

10. Semi agreed to bring my oldest son to the mall Saturday

john lennon DREAM #9 most beautiful song ever written

10 Totaly Random Things Which Describe My Day

*I sure enjoy cold crisp chardonnay and good conversation
*I have been eating out way to much lately
*Life changes with the seasons and there are seasons in your life
*I am putting the Christmas tree up way early this year and I already have presents waiting to be wrapped
*Charlie is against a huge Clark Griswald type tree which I am insisting on due to our high high ceilings
*My title has changed to girlfriend/masseuse
*apparently there is a book fair tomorrow before school...
*took such a good nap today after lunch on the patio at EuroPizza..2 glasses of Houge Reisling..and lots of shopping...I could have slept all night!
*Phils Filling Station has the best iced cold coca cola!!

*Charlie is still awake when he should be sleeping I think the tickle monster is about to sneak up on him.....

Me This Monday~~

10 Things That Describe My Day

I am recouperating from this cold
My back hurts
There is a box of Nilla Wafers on the bed
Logan is cruel to leave cookies on the bed
I like to eat cookies in the middle of the night
My nails & toes need my attention
I love when I asked Jake a ? today & he says Cuz.
Butterscotch is good on pretty much everything
I watch too much of the History Channel
I see so many women sporting "bumpits" now

Note: I left out anything "work" related today as I spent the day putting out fires so to say. What are your ten things??