When I was 26 years old we bought our first house and were welcomed to the neighborhood block party barbecue thingy. My neighbor across the street I had seen many times before...running past the house. As a matter of fact she ran not once not twice but sometimes three times a day. Sometimes with her 4 yr old in a jogging stroller sometimes solo. I'd see her all around town jogging..like every day and would think to myself this woman must be crazy. This opinion was only reinforced by my introduction to her at the BBQ where she shook my hand and politely asked what it is I was drinking. Rum and coke what else..yes I went through a spicy rum stage ..she about fell over..she rolled her eyes and said real soda..real coke? Ummm ya?!? Ohhhh she said you will see when you turn about 35 yrs. old your metabolism just slows down, I mean it just stops, you can't have the coke it goes straight to your ass. We started servicing her car a short time later and sent one of our tow guys to town when she couldn't start her Jeep. Instead of taking the standard hour or two he didn't show up until 4 hrs later. He dropped the car off and raved about how nice my neighbor was how she invited him inside how they hung out for a while..I was like what come again.. something stinks here and it wasn't his aftershave..I was suspicious from then on. Was there some mystery as to why this woman would rather be out running the streets instead of being home with her husband and kids? At the time it all remained to be seen....I have known a lot of women in fact, myself included who did a total 180 once they hit their 30's. I used to think it wasn't a big deal, it's just an age after all..sure we become older and wiser but how does this affect our lives... If you haven't figured it all out by now I will let you in on a few secrets...The things that no one could possibly prepare you for once you become "middle aged"
1. Guys are the same as they were when we were in high school..their top priority is to get laid, plain and simple. It almost gets worse when they hit their mid 30's and start going bald and getting tummys, it's like they are on a countdown to conquer every female that comes their way. My Grandmother told me once when I was barely 20 that one day I will be able to look at a man and size him up and know everything they are about once I got to a certain age. I used to have no clue how to do this, I thought perhaps there was a book a manual of sorts to teach me this magic trick. But no..it is true you meet enough bad men over time you can spot one a mile away..and when you get to this point the world is your playground, and it is incredibly fun to reduce a man to his knees never letting him in on the fact that u know his whole persona is a sham.
2. If you think your man is screwing around..he is. It's not you, your not hormonal, he's not being an ass for no reason, there are no explanations..plain fact is you are right trust your gut..something many of us cannot seem to do till we have learned this lesson the hard way. Don't question yourself and drive yourself crazy just bow out.
3. When you get into hot water in your 30's it's scalding. You can go out all night..sing dance kick back a few. You can pick up a stranger break a few hearts and wake up the next day and life doesn't miss a beat. If you so choose you can make it your practice to make this your hobby. After all at some point we feel entitled after spending our 20's raising children making lunches making beds doing our time..when it becomes our time again well...look out and play it safe.. but most of all realize it's okay to let loose and have fun..no matter what anyone says..just keep your eyes open and remember there is a fine line between drinking and drinking problem and most of us are walking it.
4. Having babies in your 30's is nothing like in your 20's..when I had my last son at 32 I had already been raising two boys throughout my 20's.. I didn't drive myself mad to become superwoman...I spent more time cuddling..more time holding..less time worrying and instead embraced it all. The bond between a mother or child didn't mean having to buy the special pillow special bottles special teething rings..you just do it without all the fuss and you appreciate it more when you recognize how fast they really do grow
5. You learn to love yourself. What I mean by that is you don't look in the mirror and blow yourself kisses every time you walk by but you give yourself the extra care that you need. I also don't mean running out to buy boobies and botox..no ladies there is no dignity in that. I mean you realize that you are number one..a few stretch marks doesn't make you any less beautiful..nor does a few fine lines.. those hands that are a little pruny looking were responsible for patting babies bottoms brushing hair making magic in the kitchen and wiping tears. I met a guy once when I was younger who tried to explain this type of body confidence to me something I could not grasp as an 18 yr old self conscious of wearing a bikini..looking back I had no reason to be..and I am comfortable enough with myself now to not get hung up on such petty things..this my dears truly is something that comes with age, look forward to it.Spanx truly has changed the world one body at a time.
6. Finally when you meet the real needle in the haystack kind of person you recognize it and hold on tight with both hands..you take less for granted..and realize this is your life..your stage..and if someone doesn't belong on it then u kick them right the f out..and have the confidence to do so..money doesn't mean crap it comes and goes..all that matters are the people you love and the ones that love you..
I am sure the story of my middle age is not ending here..as I am still going through it but every time someone asks me if I miss my 20's I do not hesitate to say an astounding No..as a matter of fact not at all...they had their place in the season of my life but I am over it now over the 20's..then I often times say with much excitement I can't wait to be 40... and I am okay with being the crazy middle aged chic, I'd say it suits me well and I still look damn good on the tennis court....
