Hold on Wait a Minute

Play Me

What has happened here...my god...these are supposed to be the best years of my life..I am supposed to be hanging out with a husband and have like 15 yrs of marriage behind my belt..we should be cruising around languid with other couples..taking couple trips..hanging out at each others pools..I should have the dynamics of our bedroom rituals and anniversaries all figured out by now..I should be cooking for large crowds of people..entertaining and making small talk with adults while the kids are tucked in bed at night ...I should have bank accounts (plural) and know that when I put something away that it will stay there  because it is my home and will be there 20 yrs from now.. Wow! how did this happen in these best years I sit alone at night watching Adult Swim, eating goldfish crackers, switching off from my Crystal Light & on sale red wine? How is it that I share my bed with a 4 yr old.. have the messiest hair in the morning and just don't care..how did this happen? it is madness ... I am the ex wife... sheesh..the one who likes to drink one too many and blurt out things when I shouldn't... who has decided it is best I stay indoors most of the time.... who has yet to embrace her single status & become the it girl...who's nailpolish is chipped most of the time...who probably will be moving once her lease is up..who acts a little reckless because this is the first time in 18 yrs I have had to go it alone...who shudders to think I cannot even relate anymore to the fantasy they call marriage..who has a slew of suitors that epitomize "The Wrong Guy"...How on earth? I feel like I am on the Other Side looking in... it is anything goes and who knows what will happen next...I am going to flip on Nancy Grace...maybe watch Wonder Boys again and attempt to figure it all out...Or maybe I will save that thought for someday:)